


Bucky's Routine

by aravenwood



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Clint Barton is a good guy, Gen, Team as Family, brief mentions of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 19:24:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3702981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aravenwood/pseuds/aravenwood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is no longer under Hydra control, but he isn't able to deal with life in the 21st century on his own. He and Steve develop a routine of sorts that keeps Bucky stable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bucky's Routine

Steve quickly realises that the best way to keep Bucky calm and rational is to keep a schedule. Bucky isn’t used to his new free time and Steve is happy to share with him best part of a world new to both of them.

Steve gets up at 6am every morning to go on his run with Sam. He has asked Bucky several times if he wanted to run with them, but he understands that Bucky is seemingly afraid of himself and the unpredictability and freedom of life in New York. So he runs alone with Sam for an hour and a half, working up a real swear that he enjoys feeling – it reminds him that he can take off with Bucky at any time if he wants, before any of the team ever find out. He enjoys that freedom.

By the time he returns home, Bucky is awake, sometimes sitting on the floor near Steve’s usual chair or walking in circles. Sometimes he’s just standing there near the door looking at nothing as his eyes cloud over. It’s those instances Steve is most afraid of; the times when Bucky is totally unaware of his surroundings and trapped in his own mind. He takes Bucky by the arm – the flesh one – and sits him on the couch. Normally this small comfort is enough to help him come around, and when this works he slides off the couch to sit between Steve’s legs, his head cushioned by a muscular thigh. No matter how often Steve tries to encourage him to sit on their worn old couch, Bucky refuses. Sitting between Steve’s legs is the only kind of comfort Bucky initiates himself, a massive step forwards, and Steve isn’t about to stop that.

Other times, very rarely, he cannot be calmed. He gasps in terror as the truth of his past consumes him, in pain as images of Nazi soldiers marching down the roads, firing at any movement. When he cannot be soothed, Steve gathers him in his arms and they sit on the floor together, Bucky in the midst of a panic attack as Steve tries to encourage him to breathe. It’s a precious moment that reminds him of his own childhood asthma attacks, and the lengths Bucky went to in order to keep him comfortable and calm as his lungs betrayed him.

Normally they spend a couple of hours reading or watching a movie. Steve has bookcases filled with the best literature of the 20th and 21st centuries which he still works to catch up on. They discover fairly quickly that Bucky doesn’t have the attention span or the ability to relax enough to read a book, so Steve tends to read whatever he’s reading out loud, allowing Bucky to curl up on the floor and listen. At first he stays silent throughout, but as his comfort around Steve grows, he asks questions, quietly and innocently. Steve remembers the distress caused by Nevil Shute’s book, “On the Beach”. Bucky continuously asked Steve questions about the people. “Why aren’t they panicking?” “How do they know the gas is coming?” “Can’t they do anything about it?” Steve once jokingly suggested that they could all blow as hard as they could in an attempt to turn the gas around. He isn’t sure if Bucky took it seriously or not.

He discovers quickly that one thing Bucky has not lost is his love for comics. One day when they go to visit Clint, they find him pouring over a Captain America comic from the 1950s. Steve is a little embarrassed, as is Clint, but Bucky stares longingly at the comic, too nervous and too trained to ask to see it. Luckily Clint notices, and he gives it to Bucky to borrow. Steve swears that Bucky reads the comic five or six times before returning it. They find out that their archer has a real love for comics when he offers to show Bucky his collection – at first Steve thinks Clint is just trying to make up for his initial hostility to Bucky, but later he realises that he wants someone to talk to about comics.

Bucky is that person. They realise that this is the only way they’ll be able to keep him distracted whenever the team goes on a mission. They argue continuously that Bucky can’t go with them, so on the night before a mission, Clint brings over a pile of new comics with all different heroes – more Captain America (the old ones which were released before Steve was frozen), Deadpool (who Steve decides he doesn’t want to meet), Iron Man (Steve makes Bucky swear not to tell Tony that he’s reading his comics) and another team called the Guardians of the Galaxy (who Steve is sure can’t exist, not with a talking tree and genetically modified tree). The comics keep Bucky occupied for hours.

But he forgets to feed himself. As the Winter Soldier, he was never out of stasis long enough to experience hunger as a major problem, and now back to himself, it’s something he often forgets about. Steve comes home and is greeted by the sound of Bucky’s stomach begging for food, and his friend looks genuinely afraid.

“I don’t know why I’m making that noise,” he explains fearfully, curled around his stomach. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why. He makes Bucky a plate of pancakes and then sits him down with his notebook to write down everything he has to do while Steve is gone. As they do, Steve’s mind wanders. He wonders; what was Bucky like after the fall? When he first woke up, did he remember anything, or was he already the blank slate that Hydra needed to create their super soldier? Was he anything like the Bucky that Steve knew, or was he already gone?

Bucky looks up from the list anxiously. His eyes search Steve as he starts to tear up. He looks unsure but shifts closer, wrapping his flesh around Steve’s leg. It’s comforting for Steve to feel Bucky there, to prove that he is alive, and he rests his head on top of Bucky’s, one arm coming to cradle the back of his neck. They used to sit like this a lot, with Steve on the floor and Bucky cradling him. Now it’s the other way around, and Steve isn’t sure he’s comfortable with the change. 

At night, they eat with the other Avengers – Sam is an honorary Avenger because they haven’t had time to make it official, and he doesn’t want to move out. Most of the time it’s some kind of takeout food; Chinese, Indian, shawarma. Sometimes they’ll take turns cooking. Mostly it’s just tacos or something simple because none of them have exceptional cooking skills and Tony doesn’t want his tower burned to the ground, so they all decide that cooking anything that has to be left in the cooker for more than ten minutes is a little risky, even if they do watch it. Pepper tries to make them take cooking classes, but a close call with Bruce puts them off – Clint also refuses to cook with the man too, just in case.

As a result, they all have their set cooking pairs. Tony calls Natasha immediately in the belief that great fighting skills automatically means great cooking skills. Another close call proves him wrong. Thor and Bruce pair up for safety reasons – with Bruce’s infinite patience and Thor’s lacking skills, they’re the safest combination. Sam and Clint work together. Since their first meeting, they’ve been good friends. Neither of them are sure why, but they don’t question it. Sometimes the others regret ever introducing them – they’re a dangerous combination, but Clint no longer spends as much time in the vents. Steve sticks with Bucky, not that anyone expects otherwise. Bucky isn’t much help in the kitchen – he’s afraid of the numerous kitchen knives Tony has, afraid that his old indoctrination and brainwashing will kick in and he’ll kill Steve. His job in the kitchen tends to be limited to stirring the pots or measuring ingredients. Not that Steve minds.

After dinner, they stay in the common room together for a movie night. Between Tony and Natasha, the two biggest movie fans, they have a massive selection that means they never watch the same movie twice. Most nights, they never see the end of the movie. Everyone falls asleep, curled together like a family. They wake up and stagger to bed one by one, but only after taking photos of each other for future blackmail.

For Bucky, nights are the worst. In the time that he has been with Steve and the Avengers, he has never had a full night’s sleep. Every night, he wakes up from nightmares which show his previous crimes and incidents. The horrors he sees in his memories are not only from his time as the Winter Soldier but also his time as Bucky Barnes, Captain America’s teenage sidekick. The horrors he saw throughout the war terrify him now as much as they did when he first witnessed them. Seeing them in his head sends him into a blind panic. He darts into the corner of his room and stays there. Steve always hears him, and he’s always there. Most nights they fall asleep on the floor, wake up in the morning and start the day again.

Living life like this means there are no surprises, and Tony is the one to often confront him about it. He argues that keeping Bucky secure and controlled doesn’t let him live the life he deserves. The life he has earned. And Steve agrees, but he has his reasons; Bucky is broken, just a shell, and Steve isn’t sure he can cope outside of this routine. They’re 27 years old – they can live later. Right now, Steve just wants Bucky to be alright, and if this is what they have to do, he’s prepared.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, if you reached the end of this, thanks! I hope you enjoyed it! If you didn't reach the end... you probably aren't reading this. Thanks, anyway!


End file.
